i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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