I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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