I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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