Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
zippers are such a cool invention
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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