you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
