I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
