I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
pop tarts are not kleenex
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
