I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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