You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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