Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
