We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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