I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
