If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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