Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
