How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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