the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
