dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
