Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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