well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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