I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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