I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
