I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Girls should come with a carfax report
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
