So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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