He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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