remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
