When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
handjob tips. give me some.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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