does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
