Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
