Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
