If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
