oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
