i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
