My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
