he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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