I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
