Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
