good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
