I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
