reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Everything about him screamed your future.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize