my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
