I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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