is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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