So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
