I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
