Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
