oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
