You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
