I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
you made out with another girl for some wings
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
