Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
These tits shall not be calmed
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
