Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
