It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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