i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
