I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
