He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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