dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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